I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
