you guys were way drunker than both of me
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
