Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
