i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
