you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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