like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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