my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
