Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
You are a genius and a whore.
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
