It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
