So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Randomize
