It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In other news, I just burned my penis
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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