dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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