there's paper in my vomit.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
I believe in your delicious
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
