I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Finally finished unpacking shit from school n found a bra with no idea whose it is... I miss college so much it hurts sometimes
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
