It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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