I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I just gargled with NyQuil
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
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