Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize
