True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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