You really coming over, don't trick.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
