i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Randomize
