i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I came so hard my ears popped.
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
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