It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
I'm having to shit out rocks
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
