I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
