The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
