apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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