After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
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