They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
