My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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