I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
Randomize
