The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
