I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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