I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
Randomize
