ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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