where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
