We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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