I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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