so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
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