it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
Let's paint friendship bongs
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
