i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
the evidence from last night is not good...
what evidence?
my underwear is on inside out, and there are french fries in my hair...
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Randomize
