Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
