My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
Well puke fest 2014 just happened
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize
