You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
