Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
