I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
