just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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