If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Randomize
