My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
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