dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
