turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
