So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
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