she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Randomize
