"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
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