He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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