you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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